A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
