am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
