Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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