direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
