we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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