Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
These tits shall not be calmed
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
