Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
