My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
