I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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