today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am available for nakedness
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