He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think people are normalizing furries
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
