Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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