i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
