I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
