mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
