hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
