I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
