If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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