Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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