Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
