i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
