Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I woke up under a house in Key West
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