Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
