i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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