you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
