You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
