We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
