i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
