so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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