THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i will never coherently bang her
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You are a booty call, not a friend.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
