Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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