Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
