like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
