just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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