He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
