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Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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