Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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