the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
