Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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