As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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