Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
