I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
