You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
