so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
