You're my little dorito
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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