I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
