FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
