Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
