This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
