i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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