12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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