the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
